dreaming of reality

skepticprincess @ 2008-09-10T21:39:00

2008-09-11T04:41:10Z

The more he talks the less I listen, the more irritated I become and the more I want to stab him in the jugular with a pair of scissors!

UGH...

In other news other than the 4 hours of sleep I got last night, I've been sleeping 2 or 3 hours for the last week...so the upper is getting a stabilizer *sigh* and I thought I was over the cocktails...

skepticprincess @ 2008-03-14T01:22:00

2008-03-14T08:22:49Z

knowing too much - hazardous to your health....

knowing too little - hazardous to your sanity...

*sigh* you just can't win in life, can you?

First show of the year....

2008-02-14T17:24:16Z

Josh had been talking about seeing Umphrey's McGee since the Super Bowl but nothing was ever set in stone. Yesterday I get an e-mail asking if I'm still down to go. Well, I had nothing better going on that night so of course I was down for a little UM action. Josh had asked Vic and Bob to go with us - Vic is still grounded from me (LAME) and Bob has been strapped for cash because of the whole Vday thing (hooray for being single and not having to deal with that crap). Basically, it was just me and Josh which is really frickin cool because in all the years we've know each other we've never really spent much time just hanging out with each other (always been with the group)

Anyway, the venue is supposedly pretty new. It's called Crash Mansion and apparently there's a sister "club" in NY. The venue is pretty awesome! It's in downtown LA and pretty close to Staples Center/Nokia. When you get inside you walk up a set of stairs to the will call/ticket purchase area and from there you have 3 options. Straight takes you through the band merch area and to the bathrooms (which are pretty cool), right takes you into a very small lounge area with a couple of tables, bar and tiny dance floor/stage, and left takes you into the main room. It's pretty obvious upon walking in that they use it as a real club most days. The back of the room is all bar - from the left to the right it's a bar complete with bottles on the wall and a menu of fried foods. In front of the bar is a seating area - tall tables but I don't recall seeing chairs and then in front of that is a very wide dance floor. You could be at the back of the room but still feel like you're right up in front which is pretty sweet. There's a spot above the floor where one would assume they put the DJ, a killer lighting system (it's all cracked out on various tracks and whatnot) and four screens (two on each side) that I'm assuming they play videos on when it's club night. To the right and the left of the stage there are black U-shaped booths and looked pretty cush. Above the bar looked like an area to where people could hang out and there also seemed to be a similar area behind the stage.

The first thing we did was make a bee line to the merch table where Josh pre-paid for his soundboard taping of the show. You know you're seeing a good band when they offer concert-goers the ability to purchase the live show immediately after.

Anyway, we decided we would make our spot to the right of the stage and fairly far back. We got drinks (well he got a drink drink, I just got a drink) and decided to chit chat about Vegoose and how disappointed I was over the fact that I wasn't allowed to go last year (Vic's girlfriend, of course) and Josh pretty much said the same thing Bob did in that they had the room. Josh's girlfriend had to work and wasn't able to take the time off so I could have totally shared Josh's bed with him and apparently he had the biggest bed ever. So I told him that this year I didn't care what she wanted or how she felt, I was going to go. Why is it that I should be left out and suffer because she (for no good reason) can't stand me?

Josh was telling me that Vic creates the problem so I asked how/why. Apparently the retard says stupid shit in front of Jen that makes her insecure-ish. Like, last year I had asked Vic to give me a copy of the lyrics to all of the songs he had written me (and the music as well - they never actually recorded the song with the vocals). Vic decided to tell Josh that I wanted those in front of Jen. Now this wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't for the fact that she had seen pictures of me and was jealous because she thought I was prettier, skinnier and I had red hair. Well, just like everyone says, if she can't beat me in the looks department, she needs to beat me in the nice department (which I'm still nicer but people would look at her different if she was nice). So, Vic's created a problem, Vic is the only one who can fix the problem, and there's no way in hell I'm missing Vegoose this year! Bob wants me there, Michelle wants me there, Josh wants me there, if Lisa goes she'll want me there, Vic would want me there if he could have me there so there is absolutely no good reason for me not to go. Plus, at this rate, they may *crosses fingers* be completely over by then. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's not right for me to give up my friends because she has some issues with herself. OK back to the show.

I hadn't seen Umphrey's in about 2 years. In fact, I hadn't seen them since Vegoose in 2005 so I was really looking forward to it. Josh had told me that they tightened up their sound a bit and instead of playing an hour and a half before taking a set break, they play well for an hour and take a break. The funny thing about these shows is that everyone knows everyone else. As we were standing there, I saw tons of people walk by and give hugs to those around them. Sure, they could have been on way too many drugs, but I'd like to think it's because they're actually friends.

The funny thing about hippies is that they all wear Patchouli so during the set my nostrils were filled with a combo of Patchouli and pot in various strengths. I spend a lot of my time at shows like this just watching people. I make up stories about what they do in their "real life" and what they're like. It's actually kind of fun.

The first set was pretty awesome. I didn't get the song that I like, but with a band like this, the set list changes each night so you never really know what you're going to get until you get it. Supposedly they hadn't played my song during the west coast run so I was thinking there would be a good chance that I'd get it. Unfortunately, they have a 3-night run in San Fran Fri-Sun and it's rumored that those shows were going to be the ones to go off. In any case, I dug the first set.

During set break Josh and I called Lisa and then decided to scope out the rest of the venue. We went upstairs behind the bar to find another bar and lounge area which was pretty cool (the drinks were bigger and Josh said stronger up there). We then decided to take a little trip to the other side above the stage. Up there was awesome! You're behind the band and looking directly down at the stage so we were able to see that Brendan (lead singer) has a clock in front of him (on the ground) so he can keep track of time. We could see the set list (which, let me tell you, DID NOT have my song on it) and we could see that the band keeps Star Wars figurines on their amps. We also got to see the tea Brendan drinks to coat this throat (I'm assuming it's some honey mixture of sorts).

When the second set started, I was in heaven. It's pretty cool to be able to see exactly what the band sees. A sea of heads bobbing in unison, the guy in the white hooded sweatshirt (hood up) doing his own thing and dancing offbeat, the guy and his girlfriend "sneaking" pipe hits three rows back, the 40+ year old in the sparkly top rockin' out and trying to be 20, and, of course, the 20 year old girl wearing a band shirt that she hiked up to show her stomach off who screams at everything and looks adoringly on at the band but when she makes eye contact, gives them the you know you want to take me backstage and do me look. Yeah, this was DEFINITELY the place for me even though there were couches that were kinda folded up and it appeared that it really wasn't an area for people to hang (there was a nice little draft coming from the fan that was sucking air in from outside). Well, as I'm really getting into my people watching, security comes up and they were dicks. Apparently some jackass threw something at the stage and we were all getting punished and had to leave. Josh, being Josh, was trying to talk to them and see what was going on (just to get the story straight) but they were just being rude and literally pushing us down the stairs.

It was cool though - we got down just in time to hear them start a fan-favorite and there's nothing like walking through a group of people all dancing and singing along. It's so movie-esque.

We decided to set up camp on that side of the stage (left) which basically meant we had made it full circle. The left side of the stage had a totally different vibe from the right side. I don't know of it was the fact that it was so far in that people were completely loaded or just that all the "cool kids" had made it over there but there was definitely something different going on.

I love hippies...as long as they stay away from me. I've been to enough "jam band" shows to have figured out how to do the standard arm flailing, body snaking "hippie dance" (ask me to do it sometime - it's like one of my party tricks). I have also figured out that when they're in the "zone" you best get out of the way so you don't get punched because they don't care who is around them, they're just doing their thing. Needless to say, I was surrounded by these people. There was the guy in front of me who was so into his raver/hippie moves that he almost knocked me over, the dude with dreds who was doing the same thing with his friends to my left and then I noticed the girl at the table. Now that I think about it, there were chairs at the tables (ha!). She was sitting there completely crashed out (I swear she was dead) and oblivious to the world. I don't even know if she was there with anyone. There were people at the table but they were in and out.

That side of the room had the characters. There was the guy who was dressed more for a rap concert than an UM show (there were a couple of those guys), the Rasafari type people, girls in their flowy hippie skirts and dresses, and the chick who came all whored out in stiletto boots, daisy dukes and a backless top. You know that chick was drunk because she was hitting on every single guy there (kinda like that chick when Andrea and I went to see Billy Talent last year). It was at that moment that I saw the guy puking in the corner. YES! You know it's not a show until there's someone hurling up their dinner and booze into a trash can in the back corner.

Somehow this side had much more energy. There were a bunch of people doing the "woot, woot" thing during a song (seriously, it's jam music, not rap folks) and almost everyone on that side was hardcore to where they knew the words to the songs and were like crazy dancing.

About half way through that second set I tapped out. They went into like the longest jam ever and I started drifting and getting lost in my own thoughts (not always the greatest, not always the worst). The crowd started to lose interest. I could see people getting antsy and more and more people heading to the patio area for a smoke break. Hell, even Josh was losing interest and this is what Josh lives for! They finally wrapped it up and called it a night (well they still had the encore) so we went to the back and got in line to get our soundboard. Well, the rumor was that they had been doing a new cover each night for the encore so we were pretty stoked to hear it (since I adore covers).

So, we're standing there and they come out and start to play and Josh immediately says "Come Together" and I'm like wow! The Beatles, NICER! Then he was telling me about how he saw Trey (from Phish) do that same song as an encore and he was telling me that UM covers a bunch of Beatles tracks. So as we're listening I immediately tell Josh that it's not Come Together. I'm like no no no they switched it's NIN's Closer. Then it went right back into Come Together. I was like I swear I heard Closer. The guy in front of us in line was laughing at me and I wanted to be like, dude, DO NOT fuck with me when it comes to music - I know my shit, but I didn't because they had gone out of Come Together and back into Closer so yeah, screw you buddy, I so knew what I was talking about!

I looked over to my left and went OMG Justin! I was one of those people! It was pretty cool. I hadn't seen or talked to Justin in quite some time. He deleted his Myspace account, he's never online and neither one of us know how to pick up a phone (I only text). So he and I were talking and he's like do you hear this - Come Together and Closer I was like HA! Again, I frickin kick some serious ass for picking up on it immediately (that's what I get for having musician friends and listen to enough musical genres to where I can pick up on most things). So we were talking for a bit and I was like dude how many drugs are you on right now. He's like I'm about 7 drinks in and I was smoking. I was like yeah you probably don't even know you're talking to me right now and no sooner did I say it than he was like off and gone to some other place (now you know why we never hang out!).

So, we got our soundboard and bailed. On the way home we were talking about the encore and how that made the show and I was like you NEED to make me a copy of that CD so he was totally down with it cuz Josh is cool like that. Then I dropped him off and get a text that says "ComeTogetherCloser even better the second time around" and I was like nice and told him thanks for inviting me because he didn't have to and he thanked me for driving and being an all-around cool chick.

So that's my UM experience. 1st show of the year down, next up Bon Jovi with Shauna (now that is going to be something else! - she already said her goal is to scream so loud that he hears her and sends his people up to tell her to shut it).....But, who knows what might come up between now and April. *wink*

I am...

2008-02-10T03:44:16Z

I figured it was about time I put the whole I am xyz spin on the whole About Me thing... (posted on my Myspace blog first)

I am a firm believer that if it's not at Target, it probably doesn't exist

I love makeup but rarely wear it

I am a natural redhead (auburn) but you usually don't see it unless I'm in the sun

I think that heels are God's way of punishing women for that whole apple thing (and yet I wear them anyway)

I am smarter than you think I am

I have a journalistic intuition that means I WILL get to the bottom of something and ask questions until I'm satisfied

I Google everyone...including myself (it's how I found my photo on porn-like sites - it was scary, really)

If you lie to me, you will get caught because I have an incredible memory and there's no way you can keep up the lie forever

I have low self-esteem and an inflated faux ego

I live in jeans, hoodies and fitted t's

I hate dressing up and getting fancy but I will blow you away when I do

In the summer, I live in flip flops and spend a fortune on pedicures

I love scarfs and have a ton, but can never come up with a good occasion to wear one

I will be your best friend or your worst enemy, choose your side wisely

I would do anything for a friend, at any hour, no questions asked

My phone is ALWAYS on me and I'm only a text or call away

I usually act first and think second

I hate apologizing so you know if you get one, it's sincere

I have a way with words when I write but often can't come up with the right thing when I speak

Random people tell me random things about themselves and I've never understood why but I love the fact that people are at ease with me and immediately feel as if they can trust me

I think an awesome afternoon consists of lunch at some hole in the wall cafe and a trip to a museum (history or art)

I'm allergic to the sun - not for real, but I'll fry if I'm out for more than 10 minutes

I'm a big fan of the comma and when I write you'll notice that I make a million comma splices - I know it's wrong and yet I end up doing it anyway

I tend to use ..., (), and - in place of periods when typing but if I write a story my grammar is impeccable

When chatting online, I never use capital letters. It's just something I do.

People who can't spell make me want to gouge out my frontal lobe with a spoon (Shauna understands)

Shauna and I have our own language that we created just after high school and still use. We create nicknames for almost everyone we know and have great ideas (and a killer name) for a magazine and clothing line (although we're never going to get around to doing it)

I'm not afraid to make an ass out of myself and have no problem laughing when I do

I hate it when people move my things and don't tell me

I can't stand it when my Victoria's Secret catalogs get misplaced and I find them months later

I think argyle is awesome

I will always wear at least one ring and I always have at least one hair tie around my wrist

Meat on a bone freaks me out

I value the lives of animals over people but I'd still risk my life to save someone else

My bills all have to face the same way in my wallet

I write but don't let many people read what I've written - if I give you my book it means I trust you implicitly

I'd rather be the designated driver than drink

I'm not afraid of love or commitment which might shock some based on my past

I have knowledge of almost all sports and can hold my own with anyone in a sports-related discussion

I'm interested in politics but the system irritates me

I attend theater (musicals or not) and wish more people loved it like I do

Concerts make me smile - I'll go to any show by any artist if someone asks me just because I know I'll get something out of it

Horror and thriller movies give me panic attacks

I'm terrified of bridges, piers, spiders (and other creepy crawly things), dying in some horrible way, ariel trams and flying

I wish I knew more people who played volleyball - I'd kill to be on a team again

I ski and snowboard but haven't gone in years because most of my friends don't

I've been known to move furniture in the middle of the night and go days without sleep

I've also been known to up and do things on a whim - people have called asking if I want to hang out only to find out that I'm in another state for the weekend (I haven't done it in quite some time though)

I repay kindness with kindness - the better you treat me, the better I'll treat you

I love my MacBook

I do crosswords and jigsaw puzzles. I like to say I have the hobbies of an 80 year old woman

Playing board games and hanging out with friends is my idea of a good time

I won't eat meat but I don't care the people around me do

The Truth Table is one of my favorite places even if it's currently tainted and we need Linden's helicopter to cleanse it.

I have strong religious beliefs but don't think it's right to force someone to believe in what I do - it's your decision - I'll answer questions you may have but only if you come to me

I'm not a fan of yellow gold

I am super low-key and low-maintenance

I am a text message whore - I'd rather type it out than call you

Some of my best friends are gay and homophobic people irritate me as do people who don't think they deserve the rights and privileges straight people have

My job doesn't suck nearly as much as I say it does - It's pretty easy and my boss is awesome - I just hate the fact that they stifle my creativity

The more you push me to do something or be a certain way, the more likely it is for me to do the exact opposite

I'll fight for what I believe in until there's no reason to fight anymore and even then I'll continue to fight out of principle

I have a ton of movies that I've never seen

I have an oddball crush on Jon Favreau

I'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet and I just want to make the people around me to be happy

I have no ill-will toward any of my ex boyfriends regardless of how badly they may have hurt me - I really wish each of them the best in life and for them to have eternal happiness

I believe that no one is ever given more than they can handle at any given point in time and that when people go through something difficult it's only preparing them for the future and making them stronger

I believe in Karma and that people will always get what they give in life

The best thing that someone has ever said about me is that I'm the most genuine person they've ever met and that I have a good heart (Vic said it and his girlfriend, who hates me, told me that he was right when he said that about me - it made my day)

I'm sure I could babble on longer but I gotta get ready to go out tonight - Heroes - 9pm - Downtown Fullerton - Call/text if you wanna come play.

skepticprincess @ 2008-02-04T13:23:00

2008-02-04T21:27:45Z

What I can't understand is why I'm going through hell trying to figure out what happened with my situation and why I couldn't have fixed it or done anything to make it better. How there was nothing I could have said or done to make everything ok and yet even though I'm going through such trauma I am still the one who is fixing Vic and his girlfriend's relationship. Yep, that's right - ME - the girl she hates is the one making sure that they don't break up. Is it going to make my life any easier? Absolutely not. Is it something that I want to do? Not at all. But I'm still doing it. I'm still the one mediating the process to make it ok - making it possible for everyone to communicate in order to better their relationship with each other and in order to continue on. Why is it that I'm bending over backwards to help out a pair of people who so obviously have done nothing for me but making my life difficult since getting together? I can't even deal with my own crap and yet I'm taking on other people's stuff and trying to fix whatever is wrong with their life. Is it because there's no helping mine so I feel like I have to make something better in order to be ok with what's going on with me? Or am I just that messed up to where I have to save everyone from whatever they're going through?

4 hours in heels and all I got was these lousy photos...

2008-02-02T21:34:29Z

Just kidding!!!!

I did a photoshoot this morning at the Fullerton Arboretum and it was a blast! The new photographer was just a pleasure to work with. He was super friendly and easy-going. We had a great time! Only problem is that I'm DYING to get my feet into some Chucks so I can go back to feeling like Melissa again.

Funny thing, I went to H&H with BB two Fridays ago (damn has it been that long already?!?!) and we walked around for maybe 2 hours before my feet were killing me and I had to change out of the heels. Today I wore higher heels and was walking around for 4 hours on not only dirt but through some twigs and on soft ground (heels were sinking) and my feet didn't hurt nearly as bad. I guess you don't notice the pain when you're having such a great time. *wink*

We're talking about doing another shoot sometime soon. A reto 50s looking thing at the Orange Circle. It's gonna be awesome....Shauna - we gotta start doing those production shoots we keep talking about!!!

I'll post photos when they become available.

Well...shoot one down - now I'm just waiting for Shauna and Matthew to get here so we can squeeze in an hour or so of photog fun before heading up to April's for the cookie party. So far today has been awesome! =)

skepticprincess @ 2008-02-01T09:07:00

2008-02-01T17:08:31Z

New Myspace
Band Deleted me

I'm done

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-31T21:14:00

2008-02-01T05:31:37Z

I'm stuck in bed. Stupid frickin' step aerobics class.

On Tuesday I kinda pulled my calf to the point where Tuesday night right after I got offline with Shauna I got one of those bad like growth cramps in my calf - the ones you can't stretch out, you can't walk out and you certainly can't wait out. It sucked.

Eventually it stopped hurting so bad and when Miss April and I went shopping yesterday I made sure to pick up a bottle of potassium in an attempt to prevent it from happening again....

Well today we did circuit training in step and me being the fat girl that I am, have a complex with not pushing myself to unreasonable limits when I'm in group classes. I think when I take a break everyone is staring at me and thinking oh yeah of course the fat girl can't hack it. I am aware that this is probably a completely irrational thought but that doesn't prevent me from thinking it and stressing on it. So I pushed through the pain - I did the entire circuit except for the tricep bends (I did as many as I could) and the sprinting (it was the last of the circuit and I, again, did what I could without fainting). My circuit went as follows:
Lateral raises w/5 pound weight
Wall Sits
Over the top (step move)
Rowing w/5 pound weight
Repeaters - 16 times each leg
Abs - any
Lunges
Plank
Jump Rope
Over the shoulder press
Abs - crunches
Calf Raises
Push Ups
Step Ups
Hammer Curls w/5 pound weight
Jumping Jacks
Roll Ups
Pop Up Jumps
Triceps
Sprinting

So, after going through all that, I felt OK but I still had my Core Conditioning class which was meeting in the gym. The Cypress College gym smells like cat pee! OK, that being said, she told us to warm up on the machines so I walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes but then she told us that for the next 10 minutes we had to take it up a notch and she wanted to see us sweat so I jogged at my normal treadmill pace which is comfortable and gets my heart rate way up. Then she tells us we have to pair up and do circuit training for the next 20 minutes. Well, I had told her about my calf so she came over and stretched it out and she easily found where it had cramped or pulled or whatever. Then me and the chick I got paired up with did ab roll outs on the Swiss ball and then the inner/outer thigh machines. That's actually all we had time for - we kinda fail. Anyway, I stretched and felt OK. I got home and showered and checked my e-mail and guess what? I can't move my calf - it frickin hurts! So I'm kinda stuck in bed tonight....how boring! Grr!

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-31T15:15:00

2008-01-31T23:26:15Z

At this point in time it's a damn good thing that I'm moving at a million miles a minute...

I'm getting slammed with ads as of late! Everyone wants to do color and our ad agency has never done color so I'm working my ass off doing copycat ads and whenever I get the opportunity to throw a little creative mix in, I do. As of right now here is my "creative" work load...

ContourSleep Side Pillow Brochure - Must be developed
Topstar Chair Brochure - Must be developed
Manhattan Brochure - Must be developed
Jesper Sit-Stand Desk Brochure - In development - must finish
Ergomotion Brochure - In development - must finish
Grand Opening Ad - Color - Must tweak and make generic enough for all franchisees
Novus Brochure - Must send working/printable files to vendor (remind me to do this!!!)
24/7 Solutions Ad - Frisco, TX - Need to talk to Frisco Store
My Midwest Magazine Ad - Milwaukee Ad - Need to start
Santa Clarita "Best Customer" Post Card - First drafts are done - waiting for franchisee approval/changes
Lehigh Valley, PA Grand Opening Ads - Must resize and go back & forth with franchisee for changes - NIGHTMARE
Santa Rosa Grand Opening Ad - Must change white background to blue and make product changes ASAP
Estero, FL Ads - NO clue what I have to do - haven't read the e-mail yet but it's gonna suck
Sunnyvale Ads - NO clue what I have to do - again, haven't read the e-mail yet...

ON TOP OF ALL THIS...
I need to update the marketing manual (AGAIN), burn and label all of our Grand Opening/Marketing CDS (I'm out and we have a bunch of stores opening)
Create/Write statement messages to go on the RTB credit card statements each month until the end of the year
Check in with Mastercare to find out with my Back-A-Traction brochure will be in stores and in my hands!
ContourSide Pillow Packaging - I need to go back and forth with the vendor on this!
Online franchise marketing check - look at all the places we advertise online and make sure they're up to date
Send out new franchisee lists to all of our vendors (should take 2 mins but I need to create the contact list!)

TO MAKE IT WORSE
April just told me that she got lead on AI...I love her and I love that she's working BUT her first weekend is Feb 16-17 which is when we were going to do girls' weekend (spa weekend) since my Vegas plans got royally fucked! Now we have no girls' weekend....Damn was I ever looking forward to that massage!!!

UGH....My head is spinning.....back to work!

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-31T11:51:00

2008-01-31T19:53:41Z

Is two tears enough? What is enough? Is there like a magic number of tears that one should cry because I feel like I should be bawling like a little baby but I can't so I tried to cry and couldn't - two tears - that's all I got. Is that normal?

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-31T10:37:00

2008-01-31T18:45:32Z

I'm bored...I need a hobby....

Is being cold all the time a bad thing? I'm like getting cold flashes ... it's like the opposite of menopause or something ...

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-31T00:19:00

2008-01-31T08:20:06Z

I wonder how long it's going to be before I miss sleep to the point of crashing and burning ... hard ...

I mean I was unfunctional for awhile but now it appears that all I'm doing is getting stuff done ... since last weekend I've been like production and purge girl... It can't be bad, right? I feel OK. Isn't that what matters?

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-28T23:34:00

2008-01-29T07:35:30Z

Oh rebound how I love thee so ....

No, I didn't sleep with anyone, but I sure did jump on the chance to make out with someone tonight .... it's always nice to know you still have it...or some of it

skepticprincess @ 2008-01-28T18:46:00

2008-01-29T03:31:14Z

Well it's over for good....
And I'm OK with that...I guess.

We had a long talk about it today and he said he doesn't feel the same way about me - that he's trying to but he just doesn't have the feelings anymore - and that I haven't been giving him space (gee I'm sorry you say you want space and then you say to text/call - you can't get mad at me for texting/calling when you told me to!). I said I felt like we were meant to be and he said too much has happened and that his great grandmother called to find out why there was damage between him and his mom and that she hadn't been sleeping. He said he's slept great since I haven't been there and all he wants to do is be himself (which means hanging out at mommy and daddy's and playing video games). So that's fine.

He'll never be able to be with any woman because his mom will fight him on her until he drops her. He's admitted that I was the most amazing relationship he's ever been in and yet he's willing to give it all up because of what happened between his mom and me. I can't do anything. All I said is that I hope one day he wakes up, realizes he's miserable without me and tells his mom that he loves me and would appreciate it if she would love me too. Nothing like this has ever happened to him before and he swears that if we got back together we'd end up at the same spot. I think and I believe this, that everyone got scared and it all blew up. Everything was moving too quickly and that's how things ended up being the way they are.

Maybe it was crazy for me to go there but I needed answers and being ignored was not the way for me to get them. What I did notice was that his entire place had changed and when I asked him where my toothbrush was he said he didn't know that his mom had changed everything. His bathroom had been completely cleaned and reorganized - the towels were different as was the sink stuff (new toothbrush of his own). There were cleaning products in his shower where you know she tried to erase every DNA sample I could have left from taking a shower there. I bet she washed his sheets too. The photo frame with our picture in it was down and he didn't know where it was. She pretty much went over there while he was out and erased me from his place. The same guy who said he liked finding my hair in his apartment because it reminded him of me and made him miss me now has no real memory of my being there.

I think he's so confused. I mentioned that my heels were still there and my tennis racket and he asked me if I wanted them and I said not right now and I asked if he wanted me to take them and he said he didn't want me to do anything I didn't want to do. I said then fine they can stay for awhile. If he wanted me gone for good he would have made me take them, don't you think?

He said he didn't see us as meant to be and all the signs have been pointing to no as of late. I said all the signs had been pointing to yes for me. So I don't know. I told him that I'd give him forever if that's what he needed because I see forever with him and I told him that I wouldn't call or text him until he called or text me. My guess is that he's deleting my number from his phone as I type this. *sigh*

My perfect relationship - my forever boy - gone in a week. At least I got him to agree that it was the most amazing relationship he's ever been in and that it was perfect even if he doesn't see it as forever. At least I got a hug and kiss goodbye (although the kiss was something I wanted not so much him but he did give it to me - twice).

c'est la vie I guess...

Myspace Bulletin Reposted Here

2008-01-22T21:25:20Z

Hi everyone!

This year (so far) I'm doing two different fund raising walks.

On March 15th I'll be doing the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure with Miss April, Christine, Wes and Gracie and on May 10th I'll be doing AIDS Walk OC with Tim.

So, you know what that means? I totally need your help!

Pick a cause and donate some cash. Tax deductions are awesome and one of the best ways to get them is to give your money to a good cause, right?

If you're interested in saving boobies go here:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=246679&lis=1&kntae246679=27E7F3388C4D4635ACCB7E88CF446FBC&supId=202782360

And if you're interested in eliminating HIV and AIDS go here:

https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/personalPage.aspx?EventID=14242&LangPref=en-CA&RegistrationID=396853

All my love,
Meliss

Is prostitution an answer?

2008-01-09T22:57:49Z

I was wondering how the hell I managed to spend so much money in 3 days ...
The check I gave April for 146 cashed on Monday (a dress she picked up for me)
I paid my car payment of 300 then paid off the interest for the month (an additional 150)
I transferred 500 from my savings to my checking and added an additional 100 and put that on my credit card
I paid off my Victoria's Secret card 210
And then I *had* to spend money at Sephora.com - 45 because I wanted the free gift

So basically in the last 60 or so hours I've spent approximately 950 of my paycheck and 500 of my savings. I was wondering why the heck my bank account looked so frickin' pitiful *sigh*

---

Oh and for those of you who don't know...I managed to get all the make up work turned in for my chemistry class and if I did sufficiently on it, I'll get my C (cross your fingers for me). I miraculously pulled out the C in social problems....plus the aforementioned C in criminology and A in career/life planning...combined with the A in kick boxing and the B in volleyball.

Next up....cultural anthropology and magic, witchcraft and religion....plus step aerobics, strength/core conditioning and volleyball (again). Passing the cultural anthropology class gets me that AA in sociology that I had expected to get at the end of this last semester.

---

Things with Carl seem to be pretty OK....boring but I guess functional is pretty boring. We don't fight, we hardly ever disagree and we pretty much like the same things. My mom asked me yesterday when we were getting married - I should have said "when you pay for it" but instead I gave her the "why are you even asking such a ridiculous question" look. Next time I'll be sure to say that though. It'll only be a matter of time before she asks again. I swear that woman is dying to get me out of the house.

Glimmer of hope....AND extreme defeat...

2007-12-21T21:30:21Z

After e-mailing my Chem teacher about my situation she has given me the opportunity to make up the points I need in order to get a C in the class. It's both good and bad. The conditions of being allowed to make up the assignments are that she needs a note explaining why I was unable to complete my assignments from either my psychiatrist or therapist and I have to make up 115 points of her choosing by January 4th. It's pretty much a list of "projects" (read: mini research papers). My therapist, who was completely aware that I had mentally shut down 3 weeks ago, encouraged me to ask for special accommodation and has agreed to send the note off to my teacher. The only problem is finding the motivation/drive to actually do the assignments. The thought of everything is completely overwhelming but the thought of not passing is just horrible. It's one of those things. I'm not sure how I'm going to find it in myself to get it done, but at the same time, I'm going to further downward spiral if I am unable to cash in on this opportunity.

My Criminology teacher told me I needed to get a 72 on my cumulative optional exam in order to get a C in the class. I missed the 72 mark by a couple of points, but either through some miraculous twist of fate or a system glitch I was given a 73 on that test. There have been numerous times in the past where teachers have awarded between 5 and 10 extra points on online exams due to confusing questions so I'm assuming that this happened and everyone who took it was given the extra points. Either that or she took pity on me and gave them to me anyway. Whatever the case, I'll take the C. It gets me reimbursed by my mother and given my 4K credit card debt, I need the cash.

At this point I stand to get...hmm....let's see. 20 (kick boxing) + 20 (vball) + 35 (parking) + 60 (career planning) + 60 (criminology) + 10 (student rep fees) = $205 that's not including the reimbursement for books for those classes which will run about 200. So that'll give me approx 400 back from my mother. Now, if I'm able to complete my assignments and get the C in Chem that's another 60 plus the book which I know for a fact was between 80 and 100 so that'll be an additional 140-160. That would give me over 500. It's all good and bad. Good is the reimbursement. Bad is the fact that I dropped my Ethnic Studies class (obviously I wouldn't have passed that one given my inability to pass what I did take) so I won't get the (I want to say) 260 for books and registration (we needed 3 books that were all new). At least I can sell those back.....

My Social Problems teacher (who I hate - I hated her last time I had to take her) FINALLY returned an e-mail this morning to say that the final is available until midnight tonight (thank God I didn't go out of town or anything - shit!). I got a D on that which is actually a vast improvement from the mid-term. This is the teacher who refused to make any accommodations for my test anxiety/stress even after I explained the situation in detail to her. This is also the teacher who when you take a test doesn't allow you to look over your answers before submitting it for grading, gives you 90 minutes to complete a 101 question test (which would be fine if you were able to look over your answers but you're always so damn pressed for time that you skim the questions and screw up), asks INCREDIBLY difficult questions on obscure parts of the book (which is, again, fine if there's the ability to look over the answers), and plays favorites (people she likes get bonus points on discussion boards). So yeah. I sent her numerous e-mails over the summer explaining that in a classroom situation students have the opportunity to look over their answers before turning them in and wanted to know why the same wouldn't hold true for an online class. Her response was that I had no right to tell her how to run her class. In any case, there's no opportunity for anything more than a D in that class and I'll be lucky to get that especially since she never responded to any of my requests asking for help. I would write letters to the dean and whatnot, but because she's the ONLY teacher who teaches this class I wanted to hold off on complaining until after I passed because in the event I didn't (as is the current case) I'll have to retake her class with her knowing that I was the student who complained and since she plays favorites, I wouldn't want to be penalized and receive less points because of her personal feelings toward me (see where I'm going here?). So yeah....there's a class that I have to repeat no matter what. *sigh* At least I won't have to buy the book again....I will have to purchase a code to the website though (because the teacher doesn't believe in using Cypress' online website).....OMG she irritates the fuck out of me!

To make it all worse I'm stuck dogsitting for the next week and a half and I already want to kick the damn thing for making it so I couldn't sleep last night and for pushing my Mac off a table so I'm freaking out that my HD is going to crash again and spent all morning backing up. I still have to backup my iTunes but I'm irritated. Not to mention that the dog pushed my Mac off the table only to get to my bag which had a pack of gum inside. I have no idea how many pieces were in the box but apparently if a dog eats too much gum it's toxic so I may have killed her dog. That'll be oh so fun....

I haven't taken my meds in a week. Yeah, I know. Given the stress of the holidays, my extreme depression/binge eating (I'm back to where I was weight-wise the middle of last year when I was LARGER than a cow), and the fact that I haven't remotely been functioning since October, it's a bad idea but when you're only home 2-3 nights a week and are in bed by 6 on those days, it becomes awfully difficult to remember.

Oh and instead of letting us go home at 11 on Christmas Eve (last year they let us go at 11am and got us lunch the Friday before Christmas), we aren't allowed to go home until 2. What fucking idiot came up with that stupid plan?!?!? My parents do presents on Christmas Eve (for one) and 2 I have to miss the basketball tournament because no one else has to work. Hell the building we work in is closed (the offices) so why the hell do we have to be here other than the fact that the company is cheap and would rather have us fuck off for 6+ hours than give us the opportunity to go home and enjoy the holiday season. Stupid fucking Mormons!!!!! (sorry Clark)

Drew is sick so now I'm in charge of getting my mother a Christmas present since he dumbfuck decided to wait until the Friday BEFORE Christmas to make the decision....oh lucky me....UGH!!!!

And lastly, because I've been so damn depressed and jacked the fuck up for months I made the attempt to go for a run last night despite all of my better judgement and lack of motivation. Guess what happened? Right in front of the high school with a bus of kids returning from God knows what event, I tripped and fell so damn hard that both my elbow and knee were gushing blood....

Why does my life fucking blow so damn much?!?!

Well there goes the GPA...

2007-12-20T17:33:20Z

After spending the last year trying to work my ass off to raise my GPA, I completely blew it over fall. My problem is that I am completely and totally unable to handle a full semester class. If it's not a half semester or summer class, I shut down and become unable to finish at about week 12. Well, it's proven to be true again as I've managed to get a D in both my Chem and Criminology classes. To make it all worse, I wasn't even able to take my Social Probs final in that we were told it was going to be available until the 18th at midnight and it wasn't available at all....the teacher isn't returning e-mails and I know of at least one other person who is completely frustrated by this situation. Not like I had a chance at passing anyway. *sigh*

There goes the hard work.....It's probably my own damn fault for thinking that I'm "ok" and that I can talk to my therapist only once a month but I can't stand phone sessions and I feel like they're counterproductive. I need to be in her office and have her in front of me to feel like I'm getting anything accomplished....

What a waste...there's a couple thousand down the drain....

Since everyone else did it....

2007-12-13T20:10:32Z

I got an A in my Career Planning easier than easy class
I got an A in kickboxing (no-brainer)
I'm sure I got an A in volleyball (even though I missed a bunch of classes)....

Now about the others...I have no idea....

I spent 3-4 weeks slacking off tremendously in Chemistry and I'm not sure if I can salvage it in order to eek out a C or not. I can take my final anytime between last Monday and next Monday and I probably need to ace it and do the homework I didn't do (and hope she gives me partial credit) and hope for the best.

I spent 3-4 weeks slacking off in Sociology. I hate that teacher and being in one of her classes upsets me greatly. I didn't do the discussion boards but I did the quizzes which I failed. Her tests are uber hard and I think my only chance of passing is to do well on the final which should be extremely difficult for me. I'm not even sure when the final times are. My guess is that I'll have to take it Friday or Saturday. *sigh*

I also spent 3-4 weeks slacking in Criminology. I think I'll get a B despite this though. I've done well on the tests and only missed a couple of discussion boards. The quizzes are for participation points so I don't feel too bad about missing a couple of those. Test windows for that class start today.

I just want to come out of this with 2 Cs and 1 B. I'd be happy. It would get me my reimbursement from my mother and would still help me chip away at classes I need. One more class and I'd get my AA in Sociology (I should have signed up to take it over winter but I've been slacking for the last month on registering and it's probably closed by now). If I don't pass Chemistry then I'll have to wait until next fall before it's offered online again and then I'll have to come up with an alternative plan. Sheesh! Oh well. I'll just have to figure it out, I guess....eventually.

Anyway, wish me luck on what I have left and I'll post my final grades (no matter how bad) when I know them.

skepticprincess @ 2007-11-19T14:00:00

2007-11-19T22:02:11Z

Someone should ground me before I fly away into lala-land...because seriously, I'm getting all wrapped up in an idea. Although it does appear to be a good idea (for once)...but still.....

skepticprincess @ 2007-11-14T11:43:00

2007-11-14T19:44:38Z

So I'm trying this whole girly thing...

It blows!

I seriously think that heels are God's way of punishing women for that whole apple thing....

skepticprincess @ 2007-11-13T15:52:00

2007-11-13T23:52:41Z

Myspace is the fucking devil....

That is all...

skepticprincess @ 2007-11-01T12:24:00

2007-11-01T19:28:29Z

Work totally blows....

I think starting next year I'm going to look for another job. I found out that both my boss and the internet and catalog guy are putting .5 of a person in their budget and collectively hiring a "designer" because apparently I'm not good enough or fast enough or something. You know, the smart thing for them to do would be to send me to classes given that I have the programs (Photoshop and Illustrator and I'm getting the whole creative suite from a friend), but they'd rather have me do mundane tasks than use me for my talents. Apparently we're also hiring a PR company just to write press releases (HELLO PR is my thing!). So I'm getting the feeling that my time here is dwindling. This year kinda sucks. It started off amazing and just deterriorated.

On the upside, I have my friends, I'm getting along with my mom and I think I'm passing all of my classes (got an A in my short term class) so I'm gonna be OK. =)

Although my recent weight gain is kinda bringing me down, however, I have no desire to work out so that's not going to change any time soon. Seriously, when the hell are my meds going to kick in?

skepticprincess @ 2007-10-23T22:47:00

2007-10-24T05:50:05Z

So....Shauna has evacuated....April's lucky and the wind is working in her favor so she and Paddy don't have to evacuate....the fire in Lake Forest is moving in on Darren and I got into ANOTHER car accident....

I've had the car for less than 13 months and I've gotten in 2 accidents....Prior to these I had never had one - not one in the previous 10 years of driving....

This time it's going to be between 800 and 1200 to fix....

This year is fucking fantastic.....

YIPPEE!!

2007-10-15T18:58:03Z

So after weeks and weeks and even more weeks of trying, Tim and I FINALLY won the Wicked Lottery!!!!

It's pretty kick ass to hear your name being called (even if it was his). You're so used to not hearing it that you almost don't realize that it's been called. The best part is that we were like the 5th or 6th pull so we were literally in the center of the stage about 4 seats left.

I couldn't dream of seeing it in a better place. I got to see Wicked at the OCPAC in August 2006 and really wanted to see it at the Pantages but wasn't stoked on the $150 price tag to sit in decent seats and Tim had taken Brian in April so neither one of us really wanted to fork over the cash and yet we both really wanted to see it again so our best option was to play the lottery.

This time we met up a half hour earlier to make sure we hit up the ATM (it's a cash only lottery) and got coffee at It's a Grind instead of Starbucks. We got up there really early and were like the 6th and 7th people in line.

The waiting paid off though. Front row seats at $25 each! It's abolsutely amazing!

I really love theater but there's nothing like sitting up close to where you can actually see the emotion on the character's faces.

I have a couple of pics of me and Tim up on Flickr.

I almost feel like I'm totally addicted and want to go back and play each week in hopes that we can see it again. I know, I know it's totally seflish and I need to give others a chance and i will....(once I get the first pull ;-))...

In any case, Tim and I (for the most part) are back to sleeping in on Sundays and then doing our regular lunch and errand thing....

Thanks for being such and awesome pal Tim and taking the trip with me up to the Pantages almost every Sunday for the last few months. It's been a blast and the payoff was far better than I could ever imagined!

Yesterday was a pretty kick-ass day if I do say so myself. =)